History of the First Frat
The first frat was founded around 5 B.C. There was only one founder.
His name was Jesus Christ. He pledged a line of 12 men from various
backgrounds.
The line was nicknamed 'The Disciples'. Jesus was known as Big
Brother Divine.
The Ace of the line was Peter. (line name 'The Rock') The deuce
was Andrew, Peter's brother. (line name 'Baby Boy')
The tail of the line was Judas. (line name 'Big Money') Judas was
the chapters' treasurer. He was known for stealing dues and misreporting
funds.
He later denied that he had pledged and committed suicide after he
arranged to have the founder crucified.
When the frat came under heavy opposition, Peter also denied that he
had pledged and stated that he had no connection to the founder.
Christ, the founder, was later crucified, and, on that day, only one
member of the frat was present: John (line name 'The Beloved').
Fortunately, the members regrouped and began to charter more
chapters as the centuries passed.
Peter was eventually voted in as the first president.
The first reformation meeting was held in the upper room which
eventually took over a line of 120 people. (Peter later pledged a line of 3000
that were all initiated in one day!)
The most famous of all the frat brothers was Paul of Tarshish. He
was known for being a 'hater' of the frat but was eventually 'persuaded' to
become a member. He helped to form chapters at Corinth (2 chapters), Galatia,
Ephesus, Philippi, Colossae and 2 chapters at Thessalonica. (Note:
Paul was Timothy's DP--Dean of Pledges).
The history of this Frat has been recorded in what is called the
Holy Scriptures or the Bible. The motto, vows, constitution, bylaws and
fraternity song (written by David who was a fore runner for the frat)
were originally recorded in the Canons of the Holy Scrolls which are now
included in the Holy Bible.
Today the frat is still going strong with over 956,000 chapters and
600 million members worldwide. Unfortunately, only 20% are financial
(tithers), about 60% are shirt wearers who don't attend meetings and do no
community service, 40% have dropped and pledged other organizations
and a large part of the world's population
have decided not to pledge because of the inability to maintain the high
standards of the frat. (Righteous living and a desire to increase in
knowledge daily required).
The Fraternity is open to all. Rejects from all organizations are
welcome. It has no respect of persons. The ritual consists of confessing your
sins and accepting Jesus as Lord. Initiation is immediate; although the
'process' is a life long experience. If you happen to drop off line (which
most people do more than once) you will not be banned from completing the
process. Although bonding with your fellow members is important, your main
focus should be on knowing your history and making a divine connection with
the founder. Dues are 10% of your total earnings and membership is renewed
daily.
Disclaimer: B.O.C (Body of Christ) is a non-hazing organization
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Man Law
Man Law
1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss' car.
(d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
(e) When she is using her teeth.
3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.
4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.
6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.
8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.
12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.
19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.
20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
(a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
(b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
(c) Another set and we can hit the showers!
22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing:
i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone.
Hang up if necessary.
24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend"
have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.
25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.
27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.
28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.
29: Pull out
We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below.
"GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"
"BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, "You're next!"
We hope this clears up any confusion.
The International Council of Manhood, Ltd
1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss' car.
(d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
(e) When she is using her teeth.
3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.
4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.
6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.
8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.
12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.
19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.
20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
(a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
(b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
(c) Another set and we can hit the showers!
22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing:
i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone.
Hang up if necessary.
24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend"
have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.
25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.
27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.
28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.
29: Pull out
We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below.
"GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"
"BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, "You're next!"
We hope this clears up any confusion.
The International Council of Manhood, Ltd
Nice Guys
A LITTLE SUMTHIN TO THE NICE GUYS OUT THERE!
To every guy that regrets hurting or losing her.
To every guy who knows which girl he wants.
To every guy that's said, Sex can wait.
To every guy that's said, You're beautiful.
To every guy that was never too busy to drive across town (or across the state) to see her.
To every guy that gives flowers and a card when she is sick.
To every guy who has given her flowers just because.
To every guy that said he would die for her. [those words kill if they are false]
To every guy that really would.
To every guy that did what she wanted to do.
To every guy that cried in front of her.
To every guy that she cried in front of.
To every guy that holds hands with her.
To every guy that kisses her with meaning.
To every guy that hugs her when she's sad.
To every guy that hugs her for no reason at all.
To every guy who would give their jacket up for her.
To every guy that calls to make sure she got home safe.
To every guy that would sit and wait for her for hours just to be able to see her for ten minutes.
To every guy that would give his seat up.
To every guy that just wants to cuddle.
To every guy that reassured her that she was beautiful no matter what.
To every guy who told his secrets to her.
To every guy that tried to show how much he cared through every word and every breath.
To every guy that thought maybe this could be the one.
To every guy that believed in her dreams.
To every guy that would have done anything so she could achieve them.
To every guy that never laughed at her when she told him her dreams.
To every guy that walked her to her car.
To every guy that wasn't just trying to get laid.
To every guy that gave his heart only to have it shoved back in his face.
TO EVERY GUY WHO PRAYS THAT SHE IS HAPPY EVEN IF YOU ARE NOT WITH HER
To every guy that regrets hurting or losing her.
To every guy who knows which girl he wants.
To every guy that's said, Sex can wait.
To every guy that's said, You're beautiful.
To every guy that was never too busy to drive across town (or across the state) to see her.
To every guy that gives flowers and a card when she is sick.
To every guy who has given her flowers just because.
To every guy that said he would die for her. [those words kill if they are false]
To every guy that really would.
To every guy that did what she wanted to do.
To every guy that cried in front of her.
To every guy that she cried in front of.
To every guy that holds hands with her.
To every guy that kisses her with meaning.
To every guy that hugs her when she's sad.
To every guy that hugs her for no reason at all.
To every guy who would give their jacket up for her.
To every guy that calls to make sure she got home safe.
To every guy that would sit and wait for her for hours just to be able to see her for ten minutes.
To every guy that would give his seat up.
To every guy that just wants to cuddle.
To every guy that reassured her that she was beautiful no matter what.
To every guy who told his secrets to her.
To every guy that tried to show how much he cared through every word and every breath.
To every guy that thought maybe this could be the one.
To every guy that believed in her dreams.
To every guy that would have done anything so she could achieve them.
To every guy that never laughed at her when she told him her dreams.
To every guy that walked her to her car.
To every guy that wasn't just trying to get laid.
To every guy that gave his heart only to have it shoved back in his face.
TO EVERY GUY WHO PRAYS THAT SHE IS HAPPY EVEN IF YOU ARE NOT WITH HER
You Were Always There
You Were Always There
Whenever I needed someone to talk to
You were always there.
My eyes filled with tears, my heart filled with pain, and
You were always there.
There was no time when I had doubt
to come to you because
You were always there.
I could see in your eyes you wanted to help, and that you really cared.
Whenever I was down and blue
You were always there.
No matter my problems, are what was wrong
You were always there.
Whenever I felt like nothing matters
You were always there.
Now your gone, and I don't know what to do
I close my eyes and think of you, and how
You were always there.
It's hard to look at the pictures, and get memories of you
Can you hear me now
At night I pray, and I speak to you
I guess you were right when you told me no matter how far you were
You would always be there.
I know one day I'll see you again, but till then I have to say goodbye
Even though it hurts to hear your name, and speak of you
One thing I will always say is
You were always there.
Whenever I needed someone to talk to
You were always there.
My eyes filled with tears, my heart filled with pain, and
You were always there.
There was no time when I had doubt
to come to you because
You were always there.
I could see in your eyes you wanted to help, and that you really cared.
Whenever I was down and blue
You were always there.
No matter my problems, are what was wrong
You were always there.
Whenever I felt like nothing matters
You were always there.
Now your gone, and I don't know what to do
I close my eyes and think of you, and how
You were always there.
It's hard to look at the pictures, and get memories of you
Can you hear me now
At night I pray, and I speak to you
I guess you were right when you told me no matter how far you were
You would always be there.
I know one day I'll see you again, but till then I have to say goodbye
Even though it hurts to hear your name, and speak of you
One thing I will always say is
You were always there.
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